Disconnected

Have you ever got the feeling that sometimes your mind and your body don't really connect? That sometimes they feel like two entities rather than a unique one?  

Strange but true, the most problem I've been experiencing since my weight loss is not about how to control my eating habits or to how to keep exercising, but it actually involves having my brain "catch up" with my new body.  

Isn't that a delight to hear?  Food isn't the problem anymore!

I never thought that "catching up" or "feeling whole" with my new body would be a problem for me.   I thought I'd just embrace my new body right away and enjoy all the perks that come with it.

I suppose I had been oversized for too long.   When people comment on my "slim" body, I feel weird, as if something is wrong, as if the sentence is misplaced and out of context.   As if there must be a mistake. 

When I run, my brain wants to stop, but my body feels like it can just keep going.   The run isn't tiring anymore once you've got the pace right.  You just run.

When I go out shopping, I  have no problem choosing the clothes I like.   The problem is when I choose my outfit for the day.  I instinctively reach out for clothes that are meant to "hide" the big thigh or the flabby tummy.   

My body still feels 'big.'

Inside, I feel like the same chubby girl I was before I lost weight.  I still feel, act, and like the same things.  

At times, it feels like my mind is just inhabiting my body and that before they can be fully synchronized, some wires have to be connected.

So is the mind (or is it the soul) and the body separate?  Is my mind really a separate entity that will go on to have a life of its own after this body is gone?   I don't know.    That is an age-old question.  Only death will enlighten us.

All I know is that at times I feel "disconnected", as if I am indeed composed of  two separate entities trying to live together.   But don't get me wrong, it is a "disconnect" I happily welcome. :) I'd rather be a big girl living in a small girl than vice a versa!  It will only be a matter of time before I am fully synchronized and connected.  yeah!


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